I hear similar stories from parents. Their child is having stomachaches unexplained by a medical condition. Maybe the child is having difficulty at school either academically or behaviorally. Their child’s pediatrician or teacher has recommended therapy. But, many parents tell me, therapy doesn’t sound like something that would be appropriate for a child. The decision to take your child or teen to therapy is fraught with questions and concerns. What will they talk about? How will we know when they are making progress? What does therapy look like for a child or teenager?
These are all valid questions. Knowing some of the answers before you choose a therapist and get started with the process can make a big difference as to whether or not therapy will be helpful. The fact is that therapy for children and teens can be very effective in addressing emotional problems, school problems, and problems at home. It is also true that the earlier children receive therapy and other mental health support, the better their outcome. Early intervention can make all the difference in how children grow and develop emotionally if they start having problems at a young age.
But the reality is that many parents take their kids to therapy and feel like it goes nowhere: it just lasted a long time, and they had no clear evidence of positive results. Thus, the purpose of this blog is to educate parents about child therapy. Below are some guidelines about how to look for a therapist, how to get the most out of your child’s therapy, and what to expect in terms of the outcome.
Determining Qualities of a Good Therapist: A therapist who specializes in children and adolescents is the best fit. Even though more generalized practices can work, a therapist who has training and expertise in child development, attachment, and parenting will provide more knowledge and insight specific to the child’s needs. This may seem like common sense, but many people may not be aware that there are therapists who actually specialize in working with children and families. These therapists will also know the best therapeutic approaches to take with a younger person. Talk therapy alone, with a lot of questions, generally does not yield a productive therapy session with a child.
Attending an Initial Consultation: Once you have chosen a therapist, I recommend setting up an initial consultation without your child. This allows you to meet the therapist, ask questions, and determine if you think you would trust this person with your child’s therapy. Choosing a therapist is different from choosing a pediatrician or another health professional. Your child is about to develop an ongoing relationship with this person for an extended period of time.
Telling Your Child About Therapy: Meet the therapist, then tell your child that you have made an appointment. Do not tell your child the therapist is a “friend.” Your child then wonders why they’ve never heard of this person or met them before. The therapist is also not a teacher. They see teachers all day at school. Be honest. The child likely knows they are struggling with anxiety, fear, sadness, grief, or nightmares. Let them know that you love them so much that you want to take them to a specialist who knows how to help them with these challenges. This will facilitate a smoother introduction with less fear. If they think they are going to see someone who can help them, they will be motivated to go and find out what therapy is all about.
Learning About Child Therapy: As your child attends therapy, you can also learn about child therapy. Schedule some time on your own with your child’s therapist if there is not time during the session to talk. Therapists handle their relationships with parents differently. Many of us prefer to have separate time with the parents, so that we can focus on answering their questions without the child nearby anxiously waiting. Use this time to ask the therapist about the goals in therapy, and work with them to come up with a plan of action. For instance, if your child is struggling with anxiety, the therapist is likely teaching your child coping skills to manage anxiety. Thus, you want to learn those skills as well, so that you can apply them with your child at home. Many therapists will also recommend books, apps, or other resources for parents, so they can help children outside of the sessions. An ongoing dialogue with the therapist is always best, so that you feel comfortable with the work that is getting done in therapy.
Collaborating with Other Professionals: It’s important for the therapist to talk to other professionals involved in the child’s care: the therapist gets a broader view of the child’s functioning in other settings. This may include a pediatrician, teachers, speech therapists, or occupational therapists. Parents should facilitate these professional interactions.
Waiting Patiently for Progress: No one wants to hear that therapy takes time. However — depending on the seriousness of the issues, the ability of the therapist and the child to establish rapport, and many other factors that are not in our control — it could take a matter of weeks or months before you notice positive change. While following the advice in this blog can make therapy more productive, there is no one answer as to how long therapy takes to work. Defining clear goals early on can make a big difference because the therapist and the parent know what progress will look like.
Deciding to pursue therapy for a child will result in less stress if parents are educated about what therapy for children involves. It can be an enriching, positive experience for children when the expectations are clear and when communication between the therapist and parents is consistent and strong. For more resources regarding child psychotherapy, check out www.drcarlamessenger.com
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