Last month, I provided tips on how to find a therapist for your child or teen that feels like a good fit for both of you. It’s important that your child feels heard and connects with the therapist. It’s just as important for you to trust the therapist to fully understand your child’s mental health challenges and to address their needs. As I said last time, the way therapists treat a child versus a teen looks different in process. However, the outcome should be the same regardless of age. You should notice progress in terms of the way your child feels, copes with stress, or feels confident and resilient. The goal of this blog is to help guide parents as their child begins therapy, so they have an optimal experience.
Refrain from asking your child specific questions about their therapy. To build trust with the therapist, confidentiality is critical. The child must have a safe space to talk freely and believe the information stays in therapy. Failure to keep privacy a priority may result in them feeling uncomfortable and being less vulnerable.
Encourage your child to give therapy a real chance. Some of my young clients ask to go to therapy, while others are brought by their parents. If you put your child in therapy because you are concerned about their emotional well-being, but they do not want to go, you must encourage them to give therapy a real try. Sometimes parents bring their child a couple of times and give up because they say the child isn’t connecting. While connection is important, it does take more than a couple of sessions for some children and teens to establish it. If, after several sessions, they still resist going, ask them to talk with you about their concerns. Suggest they let the therapist know it isn’t working to see how they will respond. Sometimes, the first therapist turns out not to be the best fit, but reassure your child there are lots of choices and that you want to work together to help them find a good fit.
Set realistic expectations for your child’s therapy. You may have taken your child to therapy because you had concerns about their anxiety or depression. Or perhaps you took them to therapy because they were being disobedient and disrespectful at home. Be careful about expecting the therapist to address behaviors that you find unacceptable. The role of therapy is to help the individual who is in it learn how to process emotions and develop coping skills. While that work often changes behavior in positive ways, it does not guarantee the child’s behavior or choices will reflect what you desire for them. If they become more emotionally stable and well-adjusted through the course of therapy, that is what matters the most. They may then be in a better place to discuss problems in their relationship with you, which may lead to family therapy with someone who specializes in helping families communicate and resolve conflict.
Be available to talk to your child about therapy and to their therapist. While it isn’t a good idea to ask your child specifically what they discuss, it is appropriate to let them know you are available to help them process what they are talking about in therapy or what they are learning in terms of coping strategies. Let them know you want to support them. Many therapists will reach out to parents to periodically have a session focused on educating them on how to be supportive of their child’s work and therapy, as I do. But if the therapist doesn’t reach out, initiate a phone call or schedule an appointment to talk with them.
Celebrate your child’s progress. As you notice your child coping better with stress, managing their anxiety, and demonstrating greater confidence, let them know. Ask them how they are feeling and validate their feelings around how they are coping. Talk with them about what they think is needed. If they say they don’t want to talk about it right now, let it be and perhaps it will build trust so they will come to you later. You can still let them know you are on their side and that you are proud of them.
Therapy will be most effective for your child or teen if they know they are in the driver’s seat. If they don’t feel the weight of your expectations, they will have the freedom to talk through their struggles. With their therapist, they can develop effective tools for managing life‘s challenges and becoming more resilient. You can partner with them and be a source of support, but they must own the process.
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